Week 1 in Review: Is Your Teen Actually Changing? | Night 7 with the Qur’an

This series is a collaboration between Dr. Ali and MuslimMatters, bringing Quranic wisdom to the questions Muslim families are navigating.

The Question Every Parent is Asking

Insha Allah, you’ve now watched (or hopefully your teen has now watched) seven nights of content about identity and belonging.

But here’s what you really want to know: Is anything actually changing?

Not “Did they watch the videos?” but “Are they different?”

Let’s be honest about what growth looks like—and what it doesn’t.

What Growth Actually Looks Like (It’s Smaller Than You Think)

Signs your teen is processing this material:

1. They’re asking uncomfortable questions

• “Do you think I should use my full name at school?”
• “Why did you name me [their name]?
• “Have you ever felt like an imposter?”

Growth ≠ having all the answers. Growth = being willing to ask hard questions.

2. They mention the series unprompted

• To a friend
• In passing at dinner
• When something reminds them of an episode

If they’re thinking about it outside of watch time, it’s sinking in.

3. Small behavioral changes

• They correct someone on their name pronunciation
• They pray more openly (even just one more prayer)
• They push back on a friend’s pressure (even once)
• They ask to talk about a parent conflict differently

Don’t look for dramatic transformation. Look for micro-shifts.

4. They’re journaling or reflecting Even if you don’t see it, they might be processing privately. Respect that.
5. They’re still watching Consistency = engagement. If they’re showing up each night, something is resonating.

What’s NOT a Sign of Growth (Stop Expecting These)

1. Perfect adherence to every teaching They’re not going to implement everything from all seven nights. That’s not realistic.
2. Sudden elimination of all struggles Identity crises don’t resolve in one week. Comparison doesn’t disappear overnight.
3. Constant enthusiasm about the series Teens don’t gush about personal growth. They process quietly.
4. No more parent conflicts Week 1 gave them a framework for respectful disagreement. It didn’t eliminate disagreement.
5. Immediate confidence Imposter syndrome doesn’t vanish because they watched one video. But they now have language for what they’re feeling.

Week 1 Recap: What We Covered

Night 1: Who Am I Really? (Surat Al-‘Asr)

• Identity isn’t found in a moment—it’s built through consistent choices
• Four components: Belief based on knowledge, righteous action, encouraging truth, patience

Night 2: Imposter Syndrome (Prophet Musa ﷺ)

• Even prophets felt unqualified
• Allah chose Musa WITH his weakness, not despite it
• Your inadequacy might be where Allah’s blessing shows up

Night 3: When Your Parents Don’t Understand (Surat Luqman)

• Honor parents AND maintain boundaries
• Disobedience is the last resort after exhausting all respectful options
• The 5-step process before considering disagreement

Night 4: Being Muslim in Non-Muslim Spaces (Prophet Yusuf ﷺ)

• Yusuf stayed true to himself even when completely alone
• The cost of compromise is always higher than the cost of integrity
• Better alone with Allah than surrounded by people pulling you to the Fire

Night 5: The Comparison Trap (Surat al-Hujuraat)

• You’re measuring the wrong things (Allah measures by taqwa)
• You don’t actually know who’s “better”—only Allah does
• Stop comparing, start growing

Night 6: Your Name, Your Story

• Your name is a du’a your parents made over you
• On the Day of Judgment, Allah will call you by your name
• Reclaiming your name = reclaiming your story

One thread through all six: Knowing who you are before Allah.

The Integration Question

Here’s what parents often miss:

These seven nights weren’t random topics. They were building blocks.

You can’t have healthy relationships (Week 2) without knowing who you are (Week 1).

You can’t set boundaries with friends if you’re still performing for everyone.

You can’t navigate attraction if you’re measuring yourself by comparison.

You can’t honor your name if you don’t understand your purpose.

Identity comes first. Everything else is built on that foundation.

So, before you move into Week 2 with your teen, ask:

“Which night from this week hit you hardest? Why?”

Don’t lecture. Just listen. Their answer will tell you where the work is happening.

What to Do If Nothing Seems to Be Changing

First: Check your expectations.

Are you looking for dramatic transformation? That’s not how this works.

Are you expecting them to talk about it constantly? Teens process internally.

Are you waiting for perfection? If so, you’ll be disappointed.

Second: Assess the environment.

Are you watching together? Or just telling them to watch alone?

Are you creating space for conversation? Or interrogating them after each episode?

Are you modeling vulnerability? Or just expecting them to be vulnerable?

If you’re not watching with them, start.

If you’re lecturing instead of discussing, stop.

If you’re treating this like homework instead of shared exploration, shift.

Third: Give it time.

Seven nights is not enough to undo years of identity confusion, comparison, and performance anxiety.

But it IS enough to plant seeds.

Trust the process. Keep showing up. Let Ramadan do its work.

Week 2 Preview: Relationships & Boundaries

Tomorrow, insha Allah, Week 2 begins. And it gets harder.

Because now we’re moving from “Who am I?” to “How do I maintain myself in relationships?”

Here’s what’s coming, with Allah’s Mercy:

Night 8: Friendship with Non-Muslims (Is it allowed? What are the boundaries?)

Night 9: When Friends Pull You Away (The Companions of the Cave + how to know when to walk away)

Night 10: Crushes, Attraction & Halal Feelings (The topic nobody talks about but everyone thinks about)

Night 11: Toxic Relationships & When to Walk Away (Recognizing emotional manipulation and spiritual abuse)

Night 12: Loneliness & Finding Your People (When you feel completely alone)

Night 13: Forgiveness When It’s Really, Really Hard (What to do when “just forgive them” feels impossible)

Night 14: Week 2 Recap

These topics are heavier. More personal. More emotional.

Your teen might:

• Shut down
• Get defensive
• Avoid watching
• Watch alone instead of with you

That’s okay. Keep the invitation open. Don’t force it.

Discussion Questions for Families

For Teens:

1. Which night from Week 1 challenged you most? Why?
2. What’s one small thing you did differently this week because of what you learned?
3. As we move into Week 2 (relationships), what topic are you most nervous about?

For Parents:

1. What did you learn about your teen’s struggles that you didn’t know before?
2. How are you creating space for them to process without pressure?
3. Are you watching WITH them, or just telling them to watch?

For Discussion Together:

1. If we could only remember one lesson from Week 1, what should it be?
2. How can we support each other through the harder topics coming in Week 2?
3. What would it look like to have honest conversations about relationships and boundaries?

The Challenge

Before moving into Week 2, do this:

Teens: Pick ONE night from Week 1 that hit you hardest. Watch it again. Let it sink deeper. Journal or seriously reflect on the reflection question.

Parents: Pick ONE night from Week 1 that surprised you most. Watch it. Ask yourself: “What would my teen want me to understand from this?”

Week 1 was about identity. Week 2 is about protecting that identity in relationships.

You can’t do the second without the first.

Continue the Journey

This is Night 7 of Dr. Ali’s 30-part Ramadan series, “30 Nights with the Quran: Stories for the Seeking Soul.”

Tomorrow, insha Allah: Night 8 – Friendship with Non-Muslims (Navigating relationships across faith lines with wisdom and boundaries)

For daily extended reflections with journaling prompts, personal stories, and deeper resources, join Dr. Ali’s email community:

Related:

30 Nights with the Qur’an: A Ramadan Series for Muslim Teens

Why Your Teen Wants to Change Their Muslim Name | Night 6 with the Qur’an